I’m sure boxing is a great sport. Thousands of fans can’t be wrong. But personally I just don’t understand it. What’s the fuss about two half naked dudes fighting over a belt? I do know however, how if Manny Pacquiao won the match last Saturday at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, it would have certainly made a lot of Filipinos everywhere proud and happy. That’s what winning usually does. Still I can’t figure out the hype and how it’s all supposed to be entertaining.
So, you put two half naked dudes in a ring, you give them padded gloves, you remind them not to hit each other in the nut sack and you let them have at each other until one falls down long enough to count to ten. That’s how plainly I see it. That’s why I really found it interesting listening to the commentators of the Pacquiao-Morales fight. I was just amazed how meticulously they reported the accounts of what was going on in the ring. The attention to detail was just amazing; they saw things I certainly would have just missed.
Here’s what a fight commentary would sound if I did it: “Holy crap!!! Did you see that Quinito? That dude in the white tacky shorts just whacked that other guy in the face! Oh man, and the dude is not too happy about it either! Hehehe. Gee, why the heck are they both jogging in place? I’m watching these guys and more than half the time they just jog in place! I mean, isn’t fighting tiring already as it is? Why don’t they just stand still and save their strength until they feel like hitting the other person? Whoa!!! There he goes again! The other dude in the horribly unfashionable blue polyester short just ate another blow! Who wears polyester shorts, I mean really. I can’t fight and concentrate wearing one of those things, I’d be too conscious of how stupid I look. Hey how long till this round ends Quinito? That lady holding the ring cards sure is hot!”
I am trying to rationalize here, and like I already said, I know little about this sport. But from an outsiders perspective here are my probable reasons as to why a lot of people dig boxing:
- It’s Real. Unless the game is rigged, there is a good chance that it isn’t fake. Ok, that sounds dumb. What I mean here is you actually have two guys fighting for real in the ring. Unlike of course professional wrestling, with all the pre-entrance productions, dressing room brawls and pre-match interviews where the fighters antagonize each other before they whack one another. All of which is scripted of course. I think of people who think wresting is real in the same way I think of little children who still believe in Santa Claus.
- Organized Violence. Let’s be real, one of the top reasons why people dig boxing is the fact that it’s always fascinating to see people getting punched in the face. I once saw a guy who got hit in the face by a malfunctioning elevator door. He was stepping out when the door suddenly closed and got him right smack in the face. It was facinating, but you can't expect the dude to hit back, nor can you cheer for the elevator. That's the good thing about boxing. During Manny’s fight I noticed how each time either of the two fighters gets whacked in the face the crowd just goes crazy. And the harder the punch, the louder the crowd cheers. That’s what people came to see anyway, a fight.
- Things Not In the Rule Book. I guess this happens more in emotional fights. You put two angry men in the ring and you can just about expect anything to happen. From crowds and managers getting involved, to ears being bitten off!
- Ring Girls. If you think that the reason why some male boxing fans insist on getting ring side tickets is because they can see the fight a lot closer, that’s only half true. Boxing is an ugly and unsophisticated sport, reason why organizers throw in beautiful girls in lovely evening dresses flashing card numbers after every round.
- Wagers. Just to make the game a little more interesting should the beautiful ring girls call in sick.
- Nicknames. Here are a few cool ones I know: “Iron Mike” (Mike Tyson, later changed to “Ear Biter Mike”), “The Italian Stallion” (Rocky Balboa, yeah I know fictional boxer, but still cool nickname), “The Greatest” (Muhammad Ali, hard to top that one!), “Sugar Ray” (Ray Leonard, sounds a little queer if you ask me), and our very own “Pacman” (Manny Pacquiao. This is I guess where we lost too. We should have nicknamed him something like “Whaa-Pac” or even “Badass Mutha Pac-er”. How can a nickname taken from a video game win over something like “El Terible”? We should have put more thought into it).