Next year my wife and I are probably going to go through a semi-difficult decision of whether we are going to let our little daughter Frances believe in Santa Claus or not.
Personally, I was suckered into believing there really was Santa. Being as young as I was, I never really questioned why Santa’s little elves managed to work around product licensing laws to build me an exact duplicate of the Japanese transformer robot I’ve always wanted.
When I did find out that it was my parents who were behind all of it, I didn’t feel betrayed or lied to, things just made a lot more sense. For one, it explained why Santa’s handwriting looked a lot like my mom’s and why he stuffed our stockings with locally made chocolates.
Though I am not completely sure, I am leaning towards telling the truth really. Better it come from me than from other people. I don’t want to be called one day to the principal’s office because Frances punched some poor kid’s face for saying Santa isn’t real. I’m thinking if I have my little daughter believe in something I knew all along wasn’t real, what does it say about all the other stuff I said.
But for other parent’s who are still unsure on their stand on this subject, allow me to ready you with possible questions that your kids might contemplate on and raise as valid concerns regarding their favorite yuletide icon:
“Does Santa still ride his sleigh when he visits parts of the world where there is no snow?” If you say Yes to this, the follow up question is where does Santa park his sled? And that’s a tough nut to crack depending on where you live. If he parks it in the roof, does that explain the leaks we have during the rainy season? If you live in a bad part of the neighborhood, surely parking a big open sleigh pulled by reindeers would definitely draw attention. If you say No, you can just imagine how saying Santa commutes with a big red bag is going to sound like, even to a grown up.
“If Santa’s little elves made the doll he gave me, why does it say MATTEL Incorporated at the side of the box?” This is way harder than the first one, but I’m thinking you can just say due to technology over the years, Santa was overstaffed and he had to lay off some elves. When there is a huge drop in naughty children in the annual report he gets, he ties up with Mattel and other toy manufacturing companies to pick up the spike in demands.
“We don’t have a chimney, how is Santa going to get in the house?” You can say Santa goes through the window or he has an international skeleton key he uses. What ever it is it has to be really creative and convincing, because the last thing you want during Christmas Eve is your children secretly leaving the door unlocked for Santa.
“Does Santa ever change his clothes when he visits tropical countries like the Philippines?” I once saw a Santa Claus drawing where he was wearing a native hat and a barong. He was holding a sign that reads “Maligayang Pasko” (Merry Christmas), I guess that made answering that question a lot more easier. If they ask if Santa is multi lingual, just say Yes.
“Mom and Dad, I’m going to stay up really late tonight to get to the bottom of this Santa Claus mystery!” You’ve got a few options, bring them to a carnival during the day and let them tire them out, sedatives (ask your pediatrician about it first though) and if all else fails sneak up behind them and apply the sleeper hold.
“I heard how Santa has been doing this gift giving thing for centuries now, how come he appears to have stopped growing old?” You can say how Santa stays fit with all the milk and cookies he eats, plus the low temperatures in the North Pole slow down the aging process like you wouldn’t believe.
“I got an email from Santa Claus and he said I should do well in school so I can become an elf someday!” Believe it or not, Santa does have an email and a website, and he does tell children that in his supposed responses. If your kid takes that too seriously, you can just forget your dreams of him becoming a doctor or a lawyer. You may want to tell your kid to keep his dreams of being an elf to himself though; bullies tend to capitalize on things like that.
“I heard that the US Embassy just issued a travel advisory against trips to the Philippines due to terrorist activities, is Santa still coming?” This is actually a good question and raises a lot of other issues like Santa not going through customs and entering countries without proper documentation. Anyway, you can say that Santa takes every precaution when traveling to suspected terrorist hot spots; it’s the reason why he doesn’t dye his beard black.
You know what, after writing all that down, I think I’m just going to come clean and tell the truth about Santa Claus. I'd probably have her enjoy some of the Santa experience for just a little bit, but would spill the beans when she does start asking why Santa in spite his busy schedule still has time to make a few extra money moonlighting in the malls, posing for pictures with little children.
Frances is a smart kid and I don’t want to insult her intelligence. I think she can handle the truth about Santa pretty well. It’s telling her that Hell Boy isn’t real is what I'm actually worried about!
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
